Internship Gone Dry

So I never made the internship today.

Last night after that post was a really, really bad night. I couldn't sleep to start, and then I just got sick--really sick. Sick to the point that I was debating on calling 911. It felt like I was trapped or something. I can only describe it as a panic attack, except that I wasn't panicking. My heart wasn't racing, nothing. But it felt like it. And though I was breathing normally, as I could tell by the regular rise and fall of my chest, my lungs felt a bit deprived. I had a small headache, and my body had a need to twitch. And I went through hot and cold sweats like no tomorrow. The worst addition though, was the nausea.

So I don't know what that is, but it kept me up until about 7am, when I was finally able to get some rest. There was no going to do the internship, and no going to the guest lecturers. I might make public relations at four... but it depends how the toast and light things I'm eating sit.

Last night was really bad... bad enough that I don't care to repeat it. Ever. So I'm going to hope that I don't. >.<

I should be asleep...

All right, so I've told you all a bit about my ex. The one who up and left me for that girl in another state? Right, so her current and I had words. Hell, we used to be friends until all of this, and then shit really hit the fan. And exploded. While spontaneously combusting... and becoming radioactive. It was baaaaad.

So that all happened about... seven or eight months ago. And we tended not to talk because it just wouldn't have ended pretty. I was so angry that I used to say I was going to hire a serial killer to go wipe out the state and be rid of them both.

Well, that is until tonight.

So my previous friend-turned-enemy contacts me, and wants to call a truce. Okay... I mean, it was all in the past and while I can hold a grudge, she seemed genuinely honest.

And after an hour of talking to her, she confided some pretty personal stuff to me... which is odd, because I don't get how she could trust me after all the shit we'd put each other through.

It's so weird, because we just did not get along for such a large span of time, and then suddenly she feels okay to confide in me again. I listened and helped her, of course, because that's what I do. But it was just odd.

Do I like... have something written on me that says "UNIVERSAL FRIEND AND CONFIDENT" or something? I don't get it. But... I guess I must.

Here I am, 2:30am, when I should be asleep. Have to be up and ready to go by 7am for my internship. Five hours of driving tomorrow.

...I am going to need an energy drink, no doubt. Damn.

On Your Mark... Get Set...

Be sick. Dx

That's right, I have been feeling crappy all day. Right into the night. Woke up this morning, got moving to try and stay awake since sleep was interrupted and that made me feel super groggy, and promptly got sick. We're not talking the "Oh... I don't feel so great, so I'll take some meds and go to school" kind of sick either. I was hardcore, go back to sleep and escape it sick. My stomach was all "Yo, you put your body under a lot of stress, wear, and tear lately. So guess what? I'M REBELLING! >["

That's right, my stomach reacts not only to what I eat, but to my nerves too. So once I relaxed, and let loose a bunch of stress, it decided to relax and be sick as well. Not to mention my whole body hurt. Putting on shoes just wasn't an option. And as if the weather mirrored my nasty health, it rained ALL DAY.

So right now I'm able to eat, after hours of nothing, but I have a headache, a mild irritation of aches and pains, and my stomach still threatens to flip out on me. Thank god I have studio time tomorrow morning, so I can have the extra time and catch my afternoon classes, hopefully.

In the meantime this evening, I laboured and got increasingly frustrated with my website. I've yet to get it to work right in IE, though I spent hours trying, and have placed a cry for help on a forum of folks I know. We'll see where that goes, and if I can't get it out of them, then I will take the time to go to Rob. But if I can go another route I will, and let others who don't have the options go see him. We'll see. I think I might have to change the whole layout though. x_x

The Student Open House

So yesterday was the Student Open House, and it was all right. I stressed over it, and got very little sleep the night before, but it went fine. Actually... it was almost kind of boring. :\ A lot of people came, we students were denied the yummy food (until the end), and they looked at everything. I was a tour guide... but no one really wanted tours from us. They were either alumni who knew the school, or people who came to visit someone else, who then walked and talked with them for a bit since we all were give that option. So over all... not that exciting. I had a lot more fun at my highschool gala. So... eh.

Setting up for the Open House was awful though. And not because I hate setting up, but because they made us clean. We had to wash all the windows, sweep the floors, wash the tables, dust the lockers, dust the window sills... and on and on. Now, I can understand that this is necessary, however, we have janitors. It would have been one thing if we wanted to use a space that wasn't often used to clean it, but the whole school? That just seemed wrong somehow. Setting up tables, getting out chairs, hanging decorations, putting together out displays, and stuff; that was all things I expected to do. But not janitorial work. I think a good chunk of the student population agrees as well, since I heard similar sentiments about it. So a lot of us are wondering: Why did we have to clean the school? We're paying to attend, to learn, and to be enlightened. There is a janitorial staff being paid to keep the nasties away. So why? Just doesn't make sense. And there are those of us who really didn't want to have this open house either, because we would have rather been working on our final portfolio.

Then again, maybe I feel this way because I didn't get much satisfaction from it. It felt so... formal. And while formal is good, I'm a much more laid-back kind of person. I feel more approachable that way. That, and I was soooooooooo tired during it. We all were, really.

But, I digress, it was probably good for exposure. So I'll take that and leave the rest.

Man... I don't want to go to classes in the morning. xP

I Hate My Body

It's official, I hate my body. If one thing fails, everything fails, I swear.

I had a bug of some sort that started on Saturday and lasted until Tuesday that made me feel like I had the flu to start. I was too nauseated to be bothered to even wake up for any amount of time longer than it took to go to the bathroom. I think it started out as sun poisoning on Saturday though, since I was outside all day then. Either way, I was sick and death would have been welcomed.

That did pass though, and I made it back to classes yesterday, only to have my right eye get all messed up. x_x You need a little back story first though to fully understand this one.

September of 2006, I almost went completely blind in my right eye due to an ulceration of the cornea. I had a 30% chance of getting out of it with my sight in tact, and somehow I beat the odds. Probably because I caught it so quickly. I had to see every single eye doctor in the center we went to, just in case of an emergency, and I got the same damn lecture from all of them about how I shouldn't have slept with my contacts in. If they had told me I could get an infection so bad that I could go blind, I might not have slept with them in. But all they had told me was that I'd get a painful infection that wouldn't be any fun to have cured. But I heard that it could be cured and my mindset was "Well... pains nothing foreign to me, why not." And it was really nice to wake up being able to see. Lemme tell ya, that infection hurt like a bitch. It was light sensitive to the point that the light from the moon gave me issues. Getting to the eye doctor was the most unpleasant thing ever. Thankfully, to cure this they give you nice eye drops. One's an antibiotic, and the other is a steroid. First they cure the infection, then they urge the eye back to life. And during this all you get a third set of drops that are liquid cocaine (no I'm not kidding) to numb the pain. I was kept out of school for a few days from this, and when I was finally able to go back I had to wear sunglasses at all times for a while, and get papers saying I could self-administer medication to myself. And now I can legally say I had drugs in school, technically. Haha But it was bad, and I still couldn't put a contact in that eye. And being that my glasses cause so much distortion it makes me sick... well... I was working one-eyed for a while. Including driving. But the eye is better and I'm all set.

Or so I thought. Turns out the effects never wear off entirely, and my eyes have been having issues lately. The right one especially. It's just been wicked light sensitive to the point that sunglasses aren't doing much, and it makes it hard to operate during the peak hours of the day. I asked about this, and turns out it's something I just have to learn to live with. Yuck. So I'm not liking this, and I've been hiding away from the light as much as possible until it passes. It better be gone by Sunday though, because I have an open house to attend. But damn... I really don't need this right now. x_x

I'm telling ya, if it's not one thing, it's another. This better be the last of it. *shakefist*

Cultural Background

So for John Nordell's class on Wednesday, we need to bring in an object that represents our cultural background. Lemme tell ya, this was not an easy decision in the least. I had to sit down and brainstorm with my parents on it.

You see, I'm Native American, Italian, Canadian-French, Irish or Scottish (not sure which), German, and Dutch. From what we know. So for my cultural background... it was kind of like, what do I pick? We came up with some funny ones though.

My original thought was to bring a gun in. But... that probably wouldn't fly too well. But both the Native Americans and French-Canadian sides were hunter and gatherers; not to mention that my Dad's side of the family are hunters, and I did try once. And if there is a side of the family that I follow closely, it's my Dad's.

We also joked that I could have had grandma bake lasagna for me, since she is pure blooded Italian. And man does she love to cook. But that wasn't feasible because a friend of the family passed away Friday evening from MS, so she's busy with that.

Mom tossed out that I should just wear a swastika. That had us laughing, and somehow we said I could get a blonde wig and some blue contacts as well. But nah, not going to happen.

Of course, then we just got more silly, and I said I'd bring Jack, our puppy. And when asked why, I'd say, "Well, he's a mutt, just like me!" Which then Dad said I could bring some Heinz ketchup, I'm a Heinz Variety baby! Haha

I think the silliest though, was to bring a gravestone (which, I could do >.>) because all my ancestors are dead. This one had us laughing.

But really it was hard, because this object had to represent me in a way. I half wish that there were gypsies in our past because then it would have been easy, and I could have just brought my tarot cards in. But life can't be that simple.

What I would have loved to represent was the mafia, since I have relatives who are a part of it.

Or the black book of one of my cousins who was accused of being in league with the devil, since I've had much the same before.

I even considered my Mom's family's coat of arms... but we only have the plate used to make it, and I can't translate it for crap anymore. That, and it doesn't interest me as much. And as I said above, I'm much more like my father's side.

But in the end I settled on the deer hide that I tanned myself. I still have to do a little work on it, but hey, it'll keep me busy after class tomorrow. No sweat. I would have brought my dream catcher instead... but I didn't feel like getting it down off my ceiling. It's easier to bring the deer hide, even if I have to put some finishing touches on it. And there is a better story behind it, I think.

If only I were Japanese... then it would have been easy. x'D

Homesickness

I'm lethargic again, but I'm still taking my pills. And I think it's homesickness, since I was super energetic and just wanted to be out doing things back in New York last weekend. I got back to MA (almost late!) and I just suddenly... don't want to do anything. It's been a long ten months, and we're in the home stretch so I really don't need this... but damn does it hit hard. I just want to be with my family, waking up in a comfortably familiar area, and doing what I love. I miss my friends something terrible, and I'm tired of missing out on the things they're doing because I'm not there.

Sure, Hallmark is only ten months and I am doing extraordinary things here, being offered opportunities like no others; but deep down I am a simple person. I don't need extravagance nor amazing opportunities to be happy. I need my friends and family, and while I have made new ones out here, the ones I need and miss are all two and a half hours away. I never really get to see them when I'm home, either, because they work, and I'm not there that long. And forget about seeing them online, it just isn't the same. Neither is the phone.

Ten months is way too long for me. One month okay. Three months fine. Anything over five months is pushing it. Ten months is going to drive me insane... Insaner. More insane. Whatever it'd be.

It's not even necessarily that MA is bad, either. Sure, I do hate it, but it's also so very different from my little town of less than 2000 people. I never get to see a true forest of trees here, and it's never silent. The nights have warmed but my chorus of evening animals does not greet my ears. I mean, for goodness sakes, I travel to school by highway, you can't do that at home! We don't even have public transportation aside from school buses, let alone highways. Visiting is nice, but living around all these people is terrible. I want my solitude. I want to be able to go outside and sit among nature where no one is going to bother me.

Most of all though, I just want the familiar activities, and to stop missing out on things. I feel so out of the loop... And I really do love Hallmark, it's just that my skin is wearing thin now.

And without the resolve I had before, it gets more and more hard to push myself to go to the classes that don't interest me, and to the guest lecturers. Especially the guest lecturers. They were great in the beginning and stuff... but now they just seem redundant and boring. Some even very snooty. And I find myself sitting further and further back so as not to fall asleep right in front of them, even though I am incredibly uncomfortable in those seats.

George was angry with us for skipping... but most of us are just tired. I know I am. I don't have the patience any more to sit and listen. They definitely would have been better received if they were more spread out, and not once a week. And I hate being so apathetic to them and such, but it honestly grates on my nerves. I try to stop it, try to convince myself otherwise, but it just isn't happening anymore.

I'll see Hallmark through to the end, and I will graduate, but I just can't behave in the manner I know I should anymore. I forsee a lot of leaving early from the last class when I can afford it, and skipping all together to go home and share special moments with people.

Like, for example, my friend graduates this Friday, at 6pm, and I can't make it because my class doesn't end until 5pm. If it weren't for the fact that I might have other friends here with me that day, I might leave early to go see that.

I know my education is important, and that I am paying for it... but I can't focus properly anymore so it doesn't matter too much. I'll figure it all out eventually.

Right now though, I need to go to bed. I'm just making myself upset and more apathetic at this point, so it is sleep time. I'll share my past weekend tomorrow or something.

Some Memorable Moments

So I lacked on actual Hallmark moments for a bit there. Which is not really that cool, I don't think. So here come some memorable moments and quotes!

Tony sticking a pez dispenser on top of a camera, and telling us how he used to black out the names of what camera he was using with electrical tape, and then with the help of white out write things like "Ford" and "GM" on it to confuse idiots.

Sandra commenting that Rich was in the right place if he was there to teach us Pornography 101. x'D

Not being able to focus in class one day with Celia. For the record, this was when I was sick and mixing more medication than I should have been. Not my smartest move ever, for sure. ADD is NOT fun for anyone who is wondering. However, it does make Facebook applications much more entertaining than they really are.

David Langley and Michael Zide trying to figure out the guitar, and Michael asking "Is it a tuning fork or a pitch fork?" It was really cute. I love cute old people. They tell great stories.

Michael Merrit going on, almost like a kid in a candy shop, about Lightroom 2.0 Beta. He really must love that program, I swear. It's adorable, in its own way.

Rob letting down his hair to catcalls and peer pressure from Gabe. Let me tell you, this was the most beautiful thing I had seen in a while. But then again, I just think that long hair is pretty, and when guys have the balls to keep long hair, that's a plus in my book any day. What was funnier was that Gabe suggested he just do a hair flip for the talent show and he'd take first, and Rob goes "You mean this?" and did the flip. It was soooo funny. But great at the same time. The irony was though, while all this was happening, no one had a camera to take a picture of it. Here we are, a room full of photographers witnessing something AWESOME... and not a camera in sight. Wow.

There was also Bobbi Lane, who I felt bad for because trying to teach us hardcore stuff in the morning is like trying to get a chicken to fly. It's a rare thing. All I took away from it was that sales tax is a bitch. Thank god for tax accountants.

Paul Teeling posing sexily on a table is funny. That class was entertaining all thanks to him. Usually his voice is to me what Jigglypuff's song is to anyone, but not this time. It was kind of cool. And yeah, I just referenced Pokemon. So shoot me.

Rob also told me about how he used to use this certain system and program that allowed you to edit sectors to change the speech bubbles in old games. Good lord the things you could do. x'D

And a memorable quote from Gabe: "Paint is like love, only gooey. And then it dries and gets crusty and you hang it on the wall." Part of the conversation where he told us that he had no idea about computers and that he was a painter. He is a funny man.

Gabe also showed us how a terrorist attacked his gallery display in Starbucks. No lie. Go Google a story about the car crashing through Starbucks in Northampton, MA around 3am a few years ago. It's all true. Poor Gabe.

That's all I can really remember right now. But it's worth it. ^^

Queen of Procrastination

So, our websites for our final are due on Monday at 7:45am, sharp. And I don't feel like getting to the school quite that early, so that means I have to hand in my site today. Well, that's all fine and dandy, except that about six hours ago my site didn't even exist. x'D You heard me, we've known about this for MONTHS, and got the assignment the last week of March... and I just built my site. I am the QUEEN of procrastination.

Still, I was pretty confident that I could do it, and in this six hours I created from scratch a basic website, figured out FTP, and got all the comments I needed.

Starting with the website...

This was a HUGE thorn in my side. And not because I can't code, because I can; I have been since I was 13. The issue was in the fact that ever since they started us on Dreamweaver, my coding skills have just flopped. I used to be able to do just about anything, and then I tried Dreamweaver once more... and they were gone. All my skills... POOF. I was REALLY ANGRY. Mostly because the CSS would validate, or seem to, and then it would come up with an error on the index.html portion. Turns out that #008000 and #004000 are no longer usable hex codes. WHAT THE HELL!? CHANGING HEX CODES ON ME!? D: You better believe that blew my mind. So I had to go find them else where blah blah blah... MOVING ON! So, I get those right and the CSS still will not link in. I trashed those and just started over again. It's a good thing I had just saved everything too, because I went to open a CD of images... and my whole computer froze. To the point that in order to reboot it, I had to pull the battery off. It must have been angry at me for shaking it violently and cursing at it when Dreamweaver would not function as I desired it to. And I'm not joking, I picked this laptop up and shook it violently. x'D

Anyways...

So I got that all working fine and dandy. Can't create a simpleviewer gallery inside an iframe though, so I went and found a different code. And now I have cute little within-site popups! YAY! I'm more happy with these than simpleviewer anyday.

I did actually create the site in Dreamweaver though. Simply because I was too annoyed to have a million and one notepads open. I still worked solely in the code area.

The next big thing though was to figure out the FTP client. Had I been smart and gone to 1and1's FAQ right off, I wouldn't have spent 2.5 hours fighting with Filezilla. And yes, this involved more violent shaking of the laptop and cursing. x'D

However, after an FAQ visit, and getting a visit from the hammer of common sense, I did figure it out!

A WEBSITE CREATED ON LITTLE MOJO AND HAVING NEVER TOUCHED FTP BEFORE!

http://www.photo-phantasy.com

:D

ljg;abgiurbhg LOANS!?

Two words: BANKS SUCK.

Seriously.

I have been doing nothing but running around trying to get my car loan so that I can purchase the car a guy got for me at auction. And between the bank and the insurance company (more so the bank) it has been HELL.

I know I promised an update on school, but quite frankly, my mind is shot. So my basic update is this:

Guy went out to auction for us.
Guy found lots of pretty cars.
I specified I wanted no car that was White, Silver/Grey, or Light Blue.
Guy finds a 2004 Pontiac Sunfire.
It's hunter green.
Definite yes.
Guy bids and wins it for $6,800.
Car is clean, just needs new tires.
Retail value is $7,500.
Guy decides he hears something, adds new wheel bearings just in case.
Guy doesn't want to rip us off, gives us the wheel bearings and tires at his price.
Total comes to about $6,900.
Most of the work was done in getting the bank to agree.
Bank argues because we asked for more than market value.
We weren't sure at the time how much work would be needed.
Bank gives us a hard time about insurance.
Insurance company does as needed.
Bank gives us a hard time about bill of sale.
Guy gives us bill of sale easily.
Insurance is wary about the registration thing, hesitates on sending binder.
Cleared things up with them.
Eventually get loan completed.
Go back to get car, the guy who sold it is lagging on the paperwork.

AUUUUUGH.

So I have the Durango once more.

Oh, and apparently you can't sign the loan papers yourself and have your cosigner sign them later at a time more convenient to them. Oh no. So I had to hang back an extra day to finalize that.

I will be picking the car up this weekend. Thank god it's good on gas though, because the oil companies are raping us up the ass with their gas nozzels. Ethanol in the mixture will lower the prices my butt. What a load of bullshit that was. Man, can't wait until one of these oil CEOs gets shot, because let me tell ya, the American people are being pushed to their limits. Someone is gonna snap soon and go postal.

But that's a different rant. I am going to bed now.

Driving Back was the Worst Part

All right, so the accident was pretty bad, and fairly scary (though exciting in a small way), but driving back was the WORST PART. Every time I crossed a bridge, I had a panic attack. And going over wet roads, well, I felt every small slip formed by a puddle. It was nothing to get worked up over, but my nerves are just on edge because of everything that happened. Still, I made it back this afternoon around 12:15. Not bad, considering I left after 9:30am. Dad is letting me borrow his truck for the week. I hate it so much because it is so big and has so many blind spots, but it's better than a rental because they were going to charge me an extra $100+ a day because of my age. Which is bullshit. $100 a week extra, maybe, but not a day.

My car though, poor little Deathmobile (yeah, that's its name. x'D) might have seen its last road trip though. D: The damage isn't too bad, and Dad even managed to pull everything back into place, but it's probably just not worth the money to fix it. Even in its current condition though, we should be able to get about $2,000 trade-in on it, so that's helpful. So it looks like I'll be getting a new car. Man... as nice as that will be because I really hated the body style of my car, I was really hoping to make it another year with this one. That, and I'm going to miss it. It was my great-grandfather's, so it's kind of special, even if it did have issues up the wazoo. But it's so old that it's just nickle-and-diming me to death with repairs, so it's probably time to send it to the junkyard. :( I will miss it though.

And you know what, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole reason I escaped that accident in as good of shape as I did, was because my great-grandparents were watching over me. That, and Pagans' say keeping a black rose in your back window is good luck, so that probably helped too.

I'll tell you what though, I thought the aches were all gone, but I was wrong. I still have a couple: one in my shoulders, and one in my right leg--the one I drive with. I noticed it after driving for so long, and then sitting in class. Man... sucks big time. And with guest lecturers tomorrow, and my favourite auditorium seats... ugh. I'm going to be pretty irritated if they run waaaaaay overtime before giving us breaks because of it. I hate sitting for that long as it is, but when I am hurting and need to stretch it out... D: That just makes it worse. That, and most people just plain lose my attention after 30-40min, so if you blabber on for an extra 20-30min? I am really not paying attention. It's one thing if I'm conversing with someone, but to listen to a lecture... no. I just can't do it.

The other issue I have is that it makes me sleepy. And when I get tired, I get either really mellow, or really irritable. And lately, I've been leaning towards easily irritable. Ew. So not cool. But, not much I can do but sleep it off. x'D

I swear though, tomorrow I will give you a general update of what's been going on at school. I will be done being preoccupied with my car stuff enough to tell you all the funnies. At least until Thursday, when I leave again for a doctor's appointment to make sure the meds are doing okay. *thumbs up* S'all good now though. :D