It's Over

So it's all over. Myself and three others failed the re-review process, and will not be graduating with the class of 2008 at Hallmark. At this point in time, I don't know why I failed. All George was able to tell me was that all five panelists, who were our instructors this time, failed me.

Let's go over the past few days though, before I get into anymore re-review details.

During the last two days I've worked with Rich Barnes on picking out images I had for my portfolio. During the time we also figured out how to crop and tone things, and where other retouching was needed. He offered advice and had me print extra so that we could pick and choose for my additional personal submissions.

After sitting with Rich, I saw David Fraizer about the conceptual. I was supposed to go see Joan, but time was of the essence, and I didn't have hours to sit out in front of that woman's office waiting for her. And that's how it is because she always has a line. I can't even sugar coat this one, because it was bad enough that there were chairs for people to sit in while they waited. So I saw David and we brainstormed. I was going to do ghosts in the graveyard by painting with light and stuff, but upon looking at the criteria, it turns out it had to be done in studio. So I sat for about two hours one night going through conceptual photos on DeviantART (let's face it, there's a vast resource there once you weed through the junk) to get ideas, and finally came up with Dangerous Beauty.

My other issues were mainly commercial, and so I was in the Commercial Studio for hours. Paul Teeling and I worked together on both my metal shot, and on the conceptual one. Dick looked over my architecture, and after determining the dining room wouldn't work he sent me to the Hotel Northampton. So I did that super early in the morning and worked with Dick on that one. And then David Langley and I put together my new environmental still life. Like, David was amazingly helpful. He was explaining new tricks with exposure to me, and what I appreciated the most was that he let me borrow his filters so that we could reduce the glare that was happening and stuff. Like... David helped me make that shot, and I don't mean that lightly. That shot would not be worthy of being seen without his help.

The only person I didn't get to was Tom Purtisto. It came down to the wire Wednesday with printing, and the final bits of retouching, so I wasn't exactly living in the lap of luxury, time wise. What didn't help either, was that my mind was scattered all over from the stress, lack of sleep, and the worry about getting my equipment into Joey by 4pm. He was kind enough to let me slide on it though when I forgot the battery charger that day since I was going through the re-review process. That really took a lot of stress out of my life right then, and gave me an extra 45min to work on my stuff.

So it all came down to the wire, and I laid it out upstairs in the lounge, and myself and instructors put it in order, switched out some personal submissions, and I handed it in.

Re-review was the scariest thing all week. I was shaking something horrible, because that was it. You either passed or failed, day before graduation. Michael Zide stood with me during it, and he seemed impressed by it. He actually seemed shocked when it didn't pass.

That was around 11am. George was kind though, and told me that it wasn't the end of my career. Which, I knew. There is nothing short of severe physical injury that's going to stop me from being a photographer. And self-employed for that. David Fraizer and Shelly were also there to offer their comforts, which is nice. Because I was definitely crying, there was no stopping that. But after I spoke with them, I had to go over to the Administration Building to sign the papers saying I was leaving. What I don't get is why I had to turn in my student ID when it expires after the 20th. That kind of sucked, because I'm a sentimental person and I would have liked to have kept it. But, too late for that now I guess. :\

Andy was there, and he and I chatted for a bit as well. Everyone was very encouraging that this wasn't the end of the world. Which, I definitely knew then and know now. I just needed some time to come home and let it sink in. And call my parents and let them know.

Speaking of my parents, they demanded we head back to the school that afternoon. And my family (Aunt, grandmother, ect...) and friends are a bit up in arms over it as well. But I'll go into that later.

All I know is that all five panelists failed me. And they were Rich, Dick, Tony, Joan, and Tom. From what George said, somehow I didn't meet the artistic or technical expectations. I'm not sure how, but he encouraged us to return next week where he would go over the portfolio picture-by-picture with myself and my parents, and determine where my weaknesses are, and what I can do to improve. So that's definitely nice of him. I can't get my certificate of completion, but at least I'm not being thrown out with nothing. George said it's because I handled it calmly, and he, like everyone else, was then shocked to find out I'm 19. But, I expected that. I've gotten used to it.

I think what stung the most, was letting down those who were cheering me on. I don't know how I do it, but somehow I can put this behind me and move on with ease. My guess is that it'll just hit me slowly. But I have no regrets, because you know what? I made it. I stuck it out through the thick and thin for ten months, the first time ever being on my own, and while I may not have passed, I proved to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to.

But yes, I cannot graduate. I still have the education though, and I will still use it.

I will put some final thoughts and overviews up another day. I need to pack, and start moving back to NY.