Waiting for the Weekend

I. Cannot. Wait. For. The. Weekend.

Good god I cannot wait. Because come the weekend I can guarantee that I will have so much more done on my final portfolio, and I will feel much less stressed--I hope. v_v Hell, I just plain can't wait until I'm done with the whole portfolio. That way all I have to stress about is the review, and if I'm getting sent to re-review or not. >.<;; God I hope not.

Monday night I shot Oh Odette for my high key as a Geisha. I'm really happy with the results, I'm just in a toss up between two images. So I'm going to take them to Rich soon, I hope. Depends on if I have time. I'm supposed to have a male for low key today, but we'll see. Haven't heard from him in a bit, and if he flakes I will be PISSED.

The big thing I still need to do is to get into the commercial studio. It's just that setting up in there takes so much out of me. Ugh... I hate it. xP And what I really hate, is that we need an environmental still life for our portfolio. That, right there, is BY FAR the BIGGEST pain in my ass EVER. I have a few ideas... I just don't feel like setting them up. Call me lazy, but my body it tired. It has been tired. And now I'm sick to top it off. Blarg.

On the plus side, this weekend I have the rare chance to shoot historical reenactors. That's right, you heard me, reenactors. In full costume. This is an event going on in Saratoga, New York, at the old battlefield. And I'm dragging two friends along with me. One who attends Bard college, and then one from home who is my photo assistant whenever I need one. He just likes to get out of the house. But it will be fun, and then there is a high probability that the work will be called upon for display. So I am very excited. Great chance to make connections and to get my name out. It's like killing two birds with one stone. Three if you count the fact that I'm then dragging my friend from Bard to Yaddo to make her pose for me. xD

And then Sunday is Mother's Day. And so I will be with family most of the day, until I go to do a family photo. I have to say, this whole photography thing is really great for getting me away from uncomfortable situations, and with my grandfather as he is I try to be at that house as little as possible.

I will be staying back Monday as well, so that I can get some shooting done that day too. 'Fraid that guest speakers are not as important as this final. Those speakers aren't going to help me make it through this step, the images are. And after being sick and having so many issues, this is necessary. So, gonna still be in NY on Monday.

On the plus side though, the commercial studio stuff that is really simple should fly by, like the drop 'n pops, and for my advertisement; so that will get a lot of shots done really fast that I can totally knock off my to-do list. Huzzah! I like it when that happens.

I'll tell you what though, the stress is incredible. And part of it is because it's like you're living two lives. One for Hallmark, and one in the real world. Balancing between them is not easy. No wonder so few younger people get in. Ugh.

Anyways, I'm just starting to ramble, so this shall be the end of some current musings. I am heading back to dreamland, where stress is no more.

Intermitency and an Update

So I've managed to snag some intermittent sleep so far tonight, but thanks to having to pee my mind kind of woke up. So I'm tiring it back out again. Might as well discuss Hallmark-y things while I'm at it. Still feel a bit panic-y, but it has subsided greatly.

First things first, gotta go see Tony tomorrow. Myself, Celia, and some other girl I don't think I know (but who Celia had a falling out with apparently) have to make up our 30 minute speech together. Or 40 minute. I can't remember how long it was anymore. All I know is that it has to get done. So Tony asked we come in the morning, I'll be there for a bit. Not long though, because I'm gonna need more sleep and I'd feel bad falling asleep in the seminar.

Yesterday was all business-y type stuff. We had a class on Finances, Business Law, and Part-time employment. It got dull in areas, but at least it was all good information. Found out just how bad the government is screwing us over, and that it's a voluntary matter on if you pay income tax or social security. IRS doesn't want you to know that though.

Also given these two things to look up:
Freedom to Fascism
Allodial Title

Two things that should prove interesting. I'll get on that later.

Michael Zide informed us today, through an in-class discussion (after we found out about Lisa's Moose sighting on I91) that he would like to know what noise a moose makes. I told him to get a moose call.

Apparently I don't look well though, because Debbie mentioned I was pale and looked like I hadn't slept in weeks. Sounds about how I feel. It's hard to eat, because it seems like all food makes me sick. Yuck. I'm practically anorexic. But, I can't stop. Gotta keep moving, keep shooting, and by god, keep retouching.

Got a lot of stuff set up though, so I'll be damned if it's not done on time. You better believe it will be. I've come too far to give up now. Though at times it seems like the goal is impossible to reach. It's odd too, because I had all these great ideas... and then they weren't executed. And for the life of me I can't figure out why.

One thing I do know is effecting my work here is my worry over my family back home. My grandfather is dying, has been dying for 7 years now from Persistent Super Nuclear Palsy. And I received word recently that he's not doing well at all. So it's like every day I'm just waiting for that phone call...

My brain is just plain frazzled, too. Ugh. I can't wait for karaoke this Thursday. I might not get to be there for the whole thing, I might have to shoot for a bit too, but at least it'll be some time to try and relax.

Anyways, it's time for me to try and sleep some more. Goodness knows I need it. x_x

Here we go Again...

I can feel another psychological panic attack setting in. Headache, nausea, the feeling of the loss of breath and increased heart rate without it actually existing, hot and cold sweats... here we go again. Dammit.

Good thing tomorrow is guest lectures, because I don't know if I can hold it off or not.

I'm hoping that maybe watching some A-Team will help. Just to take my mind off it. I really hope. I don't want to be up all night with this again.

Good thing I trimmed my nails, or I'd claw my palms and they'd bleed. Don't have enough nail to make them bleed this time.

It's going to be a long night. x_x

Wonderful World of Me

Right, so one thing led to another last night, and I got no sleep.

After I fixed my router... kind of, I decided I'd fix IE by trying to remove the program again. Turns out I had done it backwards. So I removed it... still no luck. Decided against rebooting the computer, and went on to fixing my printer.

This printer is wireless. It was connected to the network. But it could not be found. And so it took me two hours to uninstall and then reinstall it, only to find it still couldn't hold a connection. Great. Just what I need. So I went to 192.168.1.101 which is where the printer lives, and tried to connect it there. We waited for it to try and connect for all of five minutes. And then I closed the page, and tried to turn off the printer. Two minutes later when it hasn't shut down, I unplugged it. Plugged it back in and connected it to the router once more--low and behold IT WORKS.

Now, what I didn't mention was that after it was uninstalled, you had to reboot for it to take effect properly. So I did. Now, afterwards I was like "Hm... Just rebooted... might as well try installing IE7 again!"

Now remember, via Add/Remove Programs I have taken this off of my laptop. It has been rebooted, and I no long have any way of getting on IE.

So I double click the installer for IE7.
...
Still can't install it. Somehow, someway, it is still detecting a newer version.

And this is bad, because now I have no means of going to Rob to get help with my website issue, because there is no longer an IE to test it on, since the forum help failed.

Shit.

So my last resort is to find my OS Software at home in NY this weekend, and hope that I can reinstall IE directly from that. Cross your fingers and wish me luck!

And now, me and my screwed up left eye (Yeah, it's bugging me and I had to take out the contact xP) are off to sleep. I haven't had any yet, and I'm angry, in pain, and tired. I deserve some sleep. Oi.

Why can't computers be easy, so that when you start something, it can be stopped without messing things up? Would have made my life easier.

In a Very Very Bad Mood >[

Let's get started on the right foot.

I. AM. PISSED. OFF.

Let's start at the beginning of this, when I found out that it is time for us to keep out apartments spotless, because our landlords are going to be showing them to potential renters (since we're gone in June). Now, this wouldn't be a problem except:
A) Cleaning is low on my list, such as to be done throughly after completing my final portfolio. As it is now I'm often times too frazzled to think on anything but that portfolio. Cleaning =/= priority. When lunch becomes your only meal so you can spend the shopping time on the computer editing images, like I do now, you don't really care much about cleaning either. Could have waited to do this until June 1st so that we had time.
B) I don't trust Susan Renfrew as far as I can throw her. And that's not far, because I'm small and skinny and pretty weak.
C) I don't trust strangers who come into my home.
C-1) Susan didn't always keep an eye on my parents and I, what makes me think she'll keep an eye on these potential tenets?
D) Do we get forewarned that it's going to happen? I mean, the place could be clean, but that day you just happened to get a care package with condoms or something in it and BOOM, there it is, sitting out on the kitchen table because you were only going to be gone for a few hours to shoot and your landlord picked that exact time to show the apartment. It was clean! However, your personals were left out for the moment.
E) Did I mention we're all frazzled with the final portfolio and really busy? Yeah...

So yes, I don't like this at all. I'm going to speak with Tammy tomorrow as well, because I am also incredibly dissatisfied with my living conditions. Susan seriously acts like she does not care. A month ago she saw, with her own two eyes, that the hall light was out. She commented on this fact. But it was not fixed. This was a month ago! So yeah... that was the straw that broke the camel's back. If you're a potential student reading this, do everything you can not to rent from Susan Renfrew.

Then, comes tonight, when I tried to get Linksys Easy Link Advisor (LELA) to re-detect my router. I still have an internet connection, and I did before. And then I tried to reconnect it, and went through more bullshit about it not detecting a router that was hardwired to it via a cable than I care to go into detail about. Let's just say I tried setup at least fifteen times. At least. And I used the phone support once as well. Finally, I called a technician. Which is what it came down to the last time this happened. And you know what the bitch on the other end of the phone tells me? That LELA was only meant to set the router up once, and I could uninstall it now. To just use 192.168.1.1 to access my router and monitor things. Well I'm sorry sweetheart, but I did my homework. LELA is meant to monitor your network, and anyone who is accessing said network. No where at 192.168.1.1 can you do that. NO WHERE. Trust me, I looked. And if you go to the help page for LELA, there are a ton of problems and questions... and no support. There is a support team, but they are not answering any questions. They have a total of 11 posts in a forum with 6 pages worth of questions (about fifteen to twenty I'd say per page) over a span of two years. That's right, two years. There are also all these things about firmware updates that you don't want, and a link to downgrade if you got it, but there's no way to know what to do after you download it. Nor to check if you have the updated firmware.

Now, by no means am I a genious at this sort of thing, but I'm definitely good with computers. There was a point that I had an old system, old old system, that only ran Windows 98 because it was so old. And I was teaching myself some MS DOS on it. I understand computers in much more than a basic sense. Wireless not so much, but I don't think it should be giving me such problems. And I definitely do not think there should be so many questions, and so many of them for the same issue, that go unanswered. And I DEFINITELY do NOT appreciate being LIED TO by a technician who barely speaks English (on the English line mind you! They have different help lines for different countries!) at 2am about LELA!

So, do not, for the sake of your mental sanity, buy a linksys router. They are nothing but a headache. This is the third issue I've had with the thing in close to eight months. Bullshit I tell you, absolute bullshit.

You better believe when I found the email to send feedback on LELA that I sent some to them. I hope their eyes bleed when they read about how badly I hate their product. I really do.

And in final news today, I attempted to install Internet Explorer 8 Beta today, to see if it was going to run my webpage properly... and now IE won't open without crashing in five seconds. Can't system restore back to before I updated, and I cannot uninstall it. Can't reinstall IE7 because it detects a newer version, and even using add/remove programs and rebooting to fully rid myself on IE doesn't work so that I can reinstall it. Thank god I prefer FireFox.

I love you Microsoft, your computers make sense to me. But god dammit would you do something about that shitty thing you are trying to call a browser!?

So excuse me while I go pack to head back to NY, and try to actually sleep since I have been sick pretty much every night this week. Meh. D<