Meds not Working...?

I don't think the meds are doing what they're supposed to be doing anymore. I've been taking them for about five days straight now, and so I should be feeling the effects slightly, but instead things just feel like they're getting worse. It's back to the point that I'm becoming suicidal as well, so I really think I'm going to be placing a call in to Tammy tomorrow, because I can't keep going like this. Some might argue that five days isn't long enough, but at the very least that would have been plenty of time for the pills to at least stop the dpression from worsening. So something is wrong. I highly doubt I'd ever actually be able to take my own life, but I still remember where these emotions sent me two years ago, and I don't plan on letting them take me back there. So yeah, a call in to Tammy is necessary so that we can discuss the next step. I don't want to leave Hallmark, because I really want to graduate, but something has to be done.

I did therapy before, with both a school social worker, and another social worker. The school social worker was the only one who helped me feel better though, as the other one basically told me to drop out of high school and get a job. Dropped her after three sessions. So... I'm very wary of therapy.

That's about when I got the anti-depressants. Contrary to popular belief, they didn't make me hallucinate, nor see crazy things. I didn't hear voices, nor did they mess me up. They didn't make me more suicidal, and I didn't become narcoleptic. None of that crazy nonsense that people are paranoid about with them happened to me. They really did help, and they kicked in after a week. However, I eventually had to up the dosage. I went from 25mg of Zoloft, to 50mg, which is where I am now. So it's not some horrible amount.

Anyways, enough of my rambling. I'm definitely not okay. In fact, I'm as far from okay as I can possibly get without being actively self-destructive. So a call to the doctor is in order as well.

Oh, and on a side note, I made it back to MA. Alternator seems to be doing good. Must have just been wet. At least that's doing good.