Far as I know, I am done with this blog. I don't think that I have anything else to add, and so this is now a complete journey through ten months of my life. This post will be the closing of a chapter of immense growth in my life, and a new blog marks the start of a new one.
That new blog is located at: http://saknikaII.blogspot.com
It already has some entries, and will chronicle events that take place after Hallmark, and where photography takes me as a career. Occasionally you may hear mention of Hallmark as well, because I have so many friendships and connections to the school still. It was always my dream to make it to the Alumni Roundtable as well someday, but I don't know that I can do that since I didn't technically graduate. But if I do, by some odd means, that's where you'll read about it.
On that blog I'll also keep you up-to-date with images, picking out my favourites from the shoot. And I love feedback, so leave some comments. They're moderated, but open to the public.
If you'd like to keep up-to-date with just my photography, then please check out this blog instead: http://photo-phantasy.blogspot.com
And if you'd like to get in touch with me personally, all my contact info is easy to find, plus I'll leave it here.
Samantha Genier
samantha@photo-phantasy.com
AIM- KagomeOuwasari
YIM- saknikas.artisticdomain
MSN- saknika@hotmail.com
http://www.photo-phantasy.com
http://saknika.deviantart.com
Status...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Final Thoughts: Hallmark Institute of Photography
These are some final thoughts I have about the school itself. You've heard how I felt about the instructors, and just like then, this is all personal experience and views. It's always best to form your own opinions in the end, but this is what I felt.
Before I even begin though, I want to say this. Knowing what I do now, I still would have attended Hallmark. Even though I failed (technically), and had a lot of struggles. However! I don't know that I would have attended straight out of High School. I think I would have waited two years until my 20th birthday, gotten some real world experience and saved up a bit more, and then attended. Going right out of High School was nice, and it can work, I just don't think it was a good decision on my part with everything that was going on in my family and life.
That being said, let's get into it. We'll go from bad to good.
The Cons:
One of the biggest gripes I probably had, was that the instructor who assigned the photo shoot, didn't necessarily grade the photo shoot. So John Nordell, for example, would assign for you to go do the Photo Essay. And if you brought it to him, he might tell you that it's absolutely perfect. That what you did meets all requirements and expectations in his eyes. So you feel confident when you hand it in, because the instructor who assigned it gave you good remarks. But then when you get the graded assignment back, you see that it wasn't given full credit, and that it was because of technicalities in the portraits or something. And upon looking down you see that Rich Barnes, who is a portrait photographer and not a photojournalist, graded it. But that's how it is at Hallmark. One instructor hands it out, every instructor (pretty much) grades it. They just hand them out in sections. This was not liked, and I was echoed by my fellow classmates in this regard. We all felt that if the instructor assigned it, that instructor should grade it.
Another issue was getting in to see the instructors, and utilizing their knowledge. Because there are so few instructors compared to the number of students, this is no easy task. There were often lines waiting outside of doors in order to get in to see someone, and at the same time there were also students waiting in studios for help with their shoots. So any given instructor would be trying to help those in line, grade assignments, and help out in studio. Preferably all at once, because they were in high demand. I tended to stay away from instructors when they had the long lines, and go find someone else who wasn't busy, because I'm very bad at waiting in line when I have other things to do.
The Open House, as I'm sure you're aware already from a previous entry, was not a favourite event either. It wouldn't have been bad if we hadn't been used as janitors, and refused food until after it was over. We understood that we should tidy up tables and chairs, and hang the decorations ourselves, but what was not liked was that we were washing windows, dishes, cleaning the fridges out, dusting, sweeping, and generally being treated like custodians. That took it a bit far, and then when we were told that we must arrive by noon the day of, and we'd be there until probably 5pm cleaning up afterwards to get ready for school Monday, and that we couldn't eat any of the catered food that whole time, well, we were pissed. It would have been one thing if we weren't sure we'd have enough, but it was catered. What also failed miserably were some of the committees, like the one I was on, that basically did nothing because people chose to not utilize the service being offered.
If you attend Hallmark, also be ready to relearn anything you already know in Photoshop, Lightroom, InDesign, and Dreamweaver. They don't figure out where anyones' skills are regarding any of these programs, and so it's all mixed up. Many felt it would have been a better idea if they had separated our groups based on where our skill level was in Photoshop (since that was the main program taught), so that the more advanced users could be helped out with more advanced techniques, and not have to snooze through the simple stuff that had to be gone over several times for those who weren't as technologically adept. It was also a general feeling that this would have allowed for those that needed more help with Photoshop, to get it while in class. It can be understood that they wanted uniform teaching, but that really just doesn't seem fair to those who are also paying a lot of money to be at Hallmark and are just being retaught things they already know.
Final Portfolio Review was an issue to some too. It's a lot of stress, and can be very publicly humiliating because that camera zooms right in on you for all attending to see when you're up on stage and they announce if you pass or fail. There's also the problem that the judges are brought in not really knowing what they're to be looking for, and depending on the day will effect how they grade. One day they might be more lenient than another. Due to the fact that people traveled so far to see the student they supported graduate, there was a general feeling that those who went to re-review shouldn't have to wait until the last minute to know if they would pass. That, and it was felt there should have been more time for those in re-review to fix their work. One of those probably could have been done if Portfolio Reviews were started one week sooner.
I also didn't like that sometimes the whole truth didn't seem to be given to you. And I say this speaking from when I took my leave of absence. It was to my understanding that everything would be taken care of, because that's what Tammy said. And we went over the speech thing, and I knew I'd probably have to make it up because you do have to do all three. However, I was under the impression that because I was taking this leave, and because I had the doctor's note and all, that if the speech couldn't be gotten to, then it wouldn't be an issue. Especially since the only thing that was going to effect us graduating was that portfolio anyways. I was dead wrong. And if there was anything that put a lot of undue stress on me (heard that they never had to deliver the speech anyways), it was that. As if the final portfolio wasn't enough to worry about, and then re-review on top of that. So head my warning, double check on everything that's said to you, just in case.
The guest lecturer series also goes on for too long. During the time that we were having them, a lot would have rather been in the studios working on completing their final portfolio. A few would have been nice, and were, but after a while it started to sound like they were all saying the same thing. Personally, I felt that we needed a morale booster closer to the end, and we should have had another alumni roundtable because hearing from graduates who made it into the field is closer to us.
The Pros:
The thing that sticks out best in my mind, were all the kinds of photography and opportunities afforded to you throughout the program. It might only have been ten months, but during that time you met a lot of incredible people, were given a shot at aerial photography, could take side-jobs for pay in the field, got to assist, went to NYC (I skipped, personally), had a staff that actually worked in what they taught, had both professional portrait and commercial studios to work with, equipment on loan, ability to learn a view camera and a medium format camera, and probably a lot more that I'm forgetting. But the doors this opens for you are incredible! You're able to try so many new things that it becomes difficult to decide what you want to specialize in because there are now so many choices.
Hallmark is also willing to work with you after you've graduated. Even if it's 30 years down the road and you need a new job, they're still going to be there for you. Because they actually care about their alumni. Not a lot of colleges can boast that.
Tammy is also, supposedly, available 24/7 to you. There were times I couldn't get a hold of her, but she's human too so she gets benefit of the doubt. However, the effort and thought is there, and it's not something you're going to be offered at your basic college. You can see their guidance counselor person during school hours, and that's pretty much it.
Because it's such a focused school (photography and business surrounding it), you don't have to take any general education courses. This makes it easier to focus on becoming a photographer, and doing what you love to do as a career.
Hallmark also debunks the myths of the starving artist, and explains how and why it happens. They give you hope and spark the light at the end of the tunnel that yes, you can make money as an artist. Because it's true.
The education they provide is also top-notch, and they know how to condense it. Where you might spend a semester, for example, learning Art History in a regular 2-year college, Hallmark condensed it down to four hours, done in two two-hour sessions. And we all learned what we needed to know. They're very serious about what they want to teach, and the profession, giving it that efficiency.
The instructors are also all great people. Some you may not get along with as well as others, but that's life. You're not always going to like everyone. And not everyone will like you. But you'll find a lot of support and help from the staff no matter what, and that means a lot when you're in such a situation.
Hallmark also allows for you to make important connections to professionals already out in the working world. These connections can/will help you to become a known and working photographer yourself. That's important, because you'll have $50,000-$60,000 in loans to payback to the college when you're done.
Breaking it down, Hallmark is also a fairly cheap school. Think about it. 8-5, Mon-Fri like a regular job makes that ten months actually two years worth of schooling. Meaning you're paying $25,000-$30,000 a year basically to attend the Harvard of photography. Thinking about it that way really makes it seem less costly, even though you sell your soul to the bank the day you sign that paper.
Overall:
So yes, even though Hallmark has some pretty big cons, it has a lot of pros to help make up for it. If you're not someone that does well under stress though, or who isn't serious about making Photography your career, this isn't the school for you. Hallmark is tough, and they crack the whip of technical expertise at the end of the year like you wouldn't believe. You will have three speeches you are required to do, and an Open House to put on. There will be a lot of guest lecturers that make you want to open a vein with how dull and lifeless they are, and others who will have you on the edge of your seat. There will be instructors you love, and others you can't stand. The curriculum is grueling, and it'll be like a parasite that eats at your brain because suddenly life is Hallmark. If you're even the slightest bit wary in your decision to attend, I advice you to think long and hard about it, because this is like the army. They're not going to take any shit, and they'll put you through basic training more times than you think you can hold out through. You'll want to severely harm someone, something, or yourself eventually. And if you have no confidence in yourself or your work, go get some. You're going to need it because even though the instructors and your classmates will help you out, in the end it comes down to if you have the conviction and mindset and determination to do it. And even then you may fall short due to things you didn't realize.
So if you think you're up for the challenge of your life, and think you've got what it takes, I recommend Hallmark with everything I am. But be prepared, because it doesn't matter what hardships life has thrown at you, Hallmark is going to be worse. Simply because it's ten months of the Hell, and stress, and demands. Not a brief second that goes away. But if you can make it through, you're going to have elevated yourself above the rest, and achieve things you never dreamed possible before.
Hallmark is amazing. And it was always like I was walking in a dream while attending, because I could never quite believe that I was doing it the whole time I was there. Absolutely amazing. And I wouldn't have decided otherwise for the world. But it was also Hell on Earth, and probably the most difficult life challenge I've ever gone through. I'm stronger for it, but had I not had an inner strength to begin with I would never have made it as far as I did. And I sincerely believe that had I waited a little bit, I would have graduated with flying colours.
So choose wisely boys and girls. And remember, Hallmark will change your life forever.
Before I even begin though, I want to say this. Knowing what I do now, I still would have attended Hallmark. Even though I failed (technically), and had a lot of struggles. However! I don't know that I would have attended straight out of High School. I think I would have waited two years until my 20th birthday, gotten some real world experience and saved up a bit more, and then attended. Going right out of High School was nice, and it can work, I just don't think it was a good decision on my part with everything that was going on in my family and life.
That being said, let's get into it. We'll go from bad to good.
The Cons:
One of the biggest gripes I probably had, was that the instructor who assigned the photo shoot, didn't necessarily grade the photo shoot. So John Nordell, for example, would assign for you to go do the Photo Essay. And if you brought it to him, he might tell you that it's absolutely perfect. That what you did meets all requirements and expectations in his eyes. So you feel confident when you hand it in, because the instructor who assigned it gave you good remarks. But then when you get the graded assignment back, you see that it wasn't given full credit, and that it was because of technicalities in the portraits or something. And upon looking down you see that Rich Barnes, who is a portrait photographer and not a photojournalist, graded it. But that's how it is at Hallmark. One instructor hands it out, every instructor (pretty much) grades it. They just hand them out in sections. This was not liked, and I was echoed by my fellow classmates in this regard. We all felt that if the instructor assigned it, that instructor should grade it.
Another issue was getting in to see the instructors, and utilizing their knowledge. Because there are so few instructors compared to the number of students, this is no easy task. There were often lines waiting outside of doors in order to get in to see someone, and at the same time there were also students waiting in studios for help with their shoots. So any given instructor would be trying to help those in line, grade assignments, and help out in studio. Preferably all at once, because they were in high demand. I tended to stay away from instructors when they had the long lines, and go find someone else who wasn't busy, because I'm very bad at waiting in line when I have other things to do.
The Open House, as I'm sure you're aware already from a previous entry, was not a favourite event either. It wouldn't have been bad if we hadn't been used as janitors, and refused food until after it was over. We understood that we should tidy up tables and chairs, and hang the decorations ourselves, but what was not liked was that we were washing windows, dishes, cleaning the fridges out, dusting, sweeping, and generally being treated like custodians. That took it a bit far, and then when we were told that we must arrive by noon the day of, and we'd be there until probably 5pm cleaning up afterwards to get ready for school Monday, and that we couldn't eat any of the catered food that whole time, well, we were pissed. It would have been one thing if we weren't sure we'd have enough, but it was catered. What also failed miserably were some of the committees, like the one I was on, that basically did nothing because people chose to not utilize the service being offered.
If you attend Hallmark, also be ready to relearn anything you already know in Photoshop, Lightroom, InDesign, and Dreamweaver. They don't figure out where anyones' skills are regarding any of these programs, and so it's all mixed up. Many felt it would have been a better idea if they had separated our groups based on where our skill level was in Photoshop (since that was the main program taught), so that the more advanced users could be helped out with more advanced techniques, and not have to snooze through the simple stuff that had to be gone over several times for those who weren't as technologically adept. It was also a general feeling that this would have allowed for those that needed more help with Photoshop, to get it while in class. It can be understood that they wanted uniform teaching, but that really just doesn't seem fair to those who are also paying a lot of money to be at Hallmark and are just being retaught things they already know.
Final Portfolio Review was an issue to some too. It's a lot of stress, and can be very publicly humiliating because that camera zooms right in on you for all attending to see when you're up on stage and they announce if you pass or fail. There's also the problem that the judges are brought in not really knowing what they're to be looking for, and depending on the day will effect how they grade. One day they might be more lenient than another. Due to the fact that people traveled so far to see the student they supported graduate, there was a general feeling that those who went to re-review shouldn't have to wait until the last minute to know if they would pass. That, and it was felt there should have been more time for those in re-review to fix their work. One of those probably could have been done if Portfolio Reviews were started one week sooner.
I also didn't like that sometimes the whole truth didn't seem to be given to you. And I say this speaking from when I took my leave of absence. It was to my understanding that everything would be taken care of, because that's what Tammy said. And we went over the speech thing, and I knew I'd probably have to make it up because you do have to do all three. However, I was under the impression that because I was taking this leave, and because I had the doctor's note and all, that if the speech couldn't be gotten to, then it wouldn't be an issue. Especially since the only thing that was going to effect us graduating was that portfolio anyways. I was dead wrong. And if there was anything that put a lot of undue stress on me (heard that they never had to deliver the speech anyways), it was that. As if the final portfolio wasn't enough to worry about, and then re-review on top of that. So head my warning, double check on everything that's said to you, just in case.
The guest lecturer series also goes on for too long. During the time that we were having them, a lot would have rather been in the studios working on completing their final portfolio. A few would have been nice, and were, but after a while it started to sound like they were all saying the same thing. Personally, I felt that we needed a morale booster closer to the end, and we should have had another alumni roundtable because hearing from graduates who made it into the field is closer to us.
The Pros:
The thing that sticks out best in my mind, were all the kinds of photography and opportunities afforded to you throughout the program. It might only have been ten months, but during that time you met a lot of incredible people, were given a shot at aerial photography, could take side-jobs for pay in the field, got to assist, went to NYC (I skipped, personally), had a staff that actually worked in what they taught, had both professional portrait and commercial studios to work with, equipment on loan, ability to learn a view camera and a medium format camera, and probably a lot more that I'm forgetting. But the doors this opens for you are incredible! You're able to try so many new things that it becomes difficult to decide what you want to specialize in because there are now so many choices.
Hallmark is also willing to work with you after you've graduated. Even if it's 30 years down the road and you need a new job, they're still going to be there for you. Because they actually care about their alumni. Not a lot of colleges can boast that.
Tammy is also, supposedly, available 24/7 to you. There were times I couldn't get a hold of her, but she's human too so she gets benefit of the doubt. However, the effort and thought is there, and it's not something you're going to be offered at your basic college. You can see their guidance counselor person during school hours, and that's pretty much it.
Because it's such a focused school (photography and business surrounding it), you don't have to take any general education courses. This makes it easier to focus on becoming a photographer, and doing what you love to do as a career.
Hallmark also debunks the myths of the starving artist, and explains how and why it happens. They give you hope and spark the light at the end of the tunnel that yes, you can make money as an artist. Because it's true.
The education they provide is also top-notch, and they know how to condense it. Where you might spend a semester, for example, learning Art History in a regular 2-year college, Hallmark condensed it down to four hours, done in two two-hour sessions. And we all learned what we needed to know. They're very serious about what they want to teach, and the profession, giving it that efficiency.
The instructors are also all great people. Some you may not get along with as well as others, but that's life. You're not always going to like everyone. And not everyone will like you. But you'll find a lot of support and help from the staff no matter what, and that means a lot when you're in such a situation.
Hallmark also allows for you to make important connections to professionals already out in the working world. These connections can/will help you to become a known and working photographer yourself. That's important, because you'll have $50,000-$60,000 in loans to payback to the college when you're done.
Breaking it down, Hallmark is also a fairly cheap school. Think about it. 8-5, Mon-Fri like a regular job makes that ten months actually two years worth of schooling. Meaning you're paying $25,000-$30,000 a year basically to attend the Harvard of photography. Thinking about it that way really makes it seem less costly, even though you sell your soul to the bank the day you sign that paper.
Overall:
So yes, even though Hallmark has some pretty big cons, it has a lot of pros to help make up for it. If you're not someone that does well under stress though, or who isn't serious about making Photography your career, this isn't the school for you. Hallmark is tough, and they crack the whip of technical expertise at the end of the year like you wouldn't believe. You will have three speeches you are required to do, and an Open House to put on. There will be a lot of guest lecturers that make you want to open a vein with how dull and lifeless they are, and others who will have you on the edge of your seat. There will be instructors you love, and others you can't stand. The curriculum is grueling, and it'll be like a parasite that eats at your brain because suddenly life is Hallmark. If you're even the slightest bit wary in your decision to attend, I advice you to think long and hard about it, because this is like the army. They're not going to take any shit, and they'll put you through basic training more times than you think you can hold out through. You'll want to severely harm someone, something, or yourself eventually. And if you have no confidence in yourself or your work, go get some. You're going to need it because even though the instructors and your classmates will help you out, in the end it comes down to if you have the conviction and mindset and determination to do it. And even then you may fall short due to things you didn't realize.
So if you think you're up for the challenge of your life, and think you've got what it takes, I recommend Hallmark with everything I am. But be prepared, because it doesn't matter what hardships life has thrown at you, Hallmark is going to be worse. Simply because it's ten months of the Hell, and stress, and demands. Not a brief second that goes away. But if you can make it through, you're going to have elevated yourself above the rest, and achieve things you never dreamed possible before.
Hallmark is amazing. And it was always like I was walking in a dream while attending, because I could never quite believe that I was doing it the whole time I was there. Absolutely amazing. And I wouldn't have decided otherwise for the world. But it was also Hell on Earth, and probably the most difficult life challenge I've ever gone through. I'm stronger for it, but had I not had an inner strength to begin with I would never have made it as far as I did. And I sincerely believe that had I waited a little bit, I would have graduated with flying colours.
So choose wisely boys and girls. And remember, Hallmark will change your life forever.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Final Thoughts: The Instructors
My final thoughts on the instructors at Hallmark. Remember please that these are all based purely on my own experience and personality, and may or may not reflect the way you would feel about each individual.
Rob Archer
Rob is probably the first instructor I befriended as I was late to the first three days of class (hooray for killing an alarm clock and having a different time than Hallmark!) and found out how basic the web design was at first. He has the best voice I have ever heard, and sometimes I forgot to pay attention in class because my mind was too busy memorizing how his voice sounded. If this man were a voice actor, I would go out of my way to watch everything he spoke in, just like I do for Illich (see Gojyo in Saiyuki). Rob teaches web design at Hallmark, and he is insanely knowledgeable on the topic. He's warm and friendly, and always willing to help you out. Plus, his hair is amazing. And he did the hair flip for us. TOTAL WIN. Do not ever shave your head Rob, for I will be sad!!!
Rich Barnes
Rich is a rare sight during the beginning of the year, or at least he was for us, since he owns his own studio (Barnes Portrait Photography) and works under a special contract with Hallmark. But he graduated from Hallmark, and is an amazing portrait artist. He has a funny personality, and a personal "war" against Michael Zide that you will either enjoy (like me) or find bothersome. But it keeps things lively and entertaining at Hallmark, which is always good. Rich was the guy whose opinion I valued most on my portraits, because I felt a major draw towards him. I think it's because he's iving my dream, studio wise. That, and he has some of the BEST STORIES you will ever hear. Ever. Class is never boring with Rich, it's just not possible.
Paul Bissex
Paul was fun, and he always had a smile on his face. He's not one of the stronger people in my mind though, and I think that's because he taught web design along side Rob, who as you know, was busy making my brain lull to memorization of vocal tones mode. But I have no bad memories of him either, except for the car accident at the end of the year, and I sincerely hope that he is well enough to return to Hallmark in September. He has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to getting a domain name, and where to get it, along with writing your resume. And I know a resource like him is hard to come by. So pray for him however you prefer, and all of the Class of 2009 hope to be able to meet him.
Thom Burden
Thom wasn't an instructor, but he's David Fraizer's look-alike, and the man behind the technology at Hallmark. When it comes to the projector units, and all things related, he knows how to work it. Without him, Hallmark would not function at such a wonderful standard. Thank you Thom, and have fun sailing!
Peter Chilton
Peter... is the Hallmark Giant to me. This man TOWERS over me, and I swear he could use me as an armrest. Which, in a way, is kinda cool. But yes, anyone who is barely 5', watch out for this guy. He's the super tall one with awesome indie glasses. Peter helped teach design to us, and he's the kind of Photoshop user that you see all over the internet these days. The ones that are hip with the times and compositing with super amounts of layers and textures. You know, things I can't do. So if you're interested in that, hit up Peter for knowledge on it, because he's the man. Also check out his bands, Bane and Silent Drive. Both are AWESOME.
Dick D'Alessandro
Dick is down-to-earth, and he tells it like it is. He's the one that won't bullshit you about the program, and about what's going on. And when it comes to the commercial studio, watch out, because this guy is ON FIRE. He has an amazing commercial knowledge that he loves to share, and he will inspire you just as much as you can inspire him. He loves to have fun, and so long as you discuss the more involved (aka dangerous) ideas with him first, you can do pretty much anything. I really loved him for that, because he truly understands the inhibition of creativity.
Tony Downer
Tony is the guy who made me first feel noticed at Hallmark, because he found me to be intimidating in determination. And that meant something to me, because it meant I was leaving a good impression. Tony is the guy that doesn't bullshit about your images, or about what's going on in ANYTHING. He's going to tell you straight to your face if your photo sucks or not, so if you go to see him you better have some balls. But you'll be a better photographer for it. He has a goofy love for odd clothing as well, so watch out for this crazy green and white checked suit that he has. It's retina burning in crazy. But his orange jumpsuit during aerial photography is faaaar better.
David Fraizer
David is probably the zaniest of the bunch, in that he's like a seven year old kid trapped in an adult's body. This guy comes to class with sound effects and energy no matter what! And he's cut back from coffee to tea! Some people are really annoyed by this, but I find it refreshing and relaxing. I've found that I always learn better in a fun environment. I will admit though, David can be too thorough sometimes in his lectures, going over things a few too many times, and I fell asleep on him more than once. I feel bad about it, but if my mind gets bored, and with the chilly air from the AC keeping the computers cool... I just sort of dozed. >.< However, thanks to David, I can now comfortably work with InDesign. He is the master of that program, and it submits to him.
Gabriel Hmieleski
Gabe taught us about how to care for our computers, and was the preacher of Macs. This man has a vendetta for Windows, so us Windows users couldn't help but pick on the poor guy. But you can't help but love him, because he's like a computer hippie. He has this big beard, and he always, ALWAYS, smiles when he sees you. And he has these awesome love analogies. Gabe tels us he's a painter, but we secretly know he's a computer geek deep down inside. And we love him for it.
David Langley
David is probably the CUTEST elderly man I have ever met. And I mean that in a platonic way. He's just so sweet, and helpful, and it's wonderful to work with him. He has a wide variety of interests, and a ton of experience as a working commercial photographer. When it comes to the industry, and what's looked for in an assistant, he's the guy to go to. Sometimes he can seem harsh, and like he doesn't care, but that's in his nature from work. And there is no way you can hate him for it. If you're looking into doing anything commercial or assistant related, and you don't speak to David, you've wasted your money. He's a powerhouse of knowledge on it, and willing to share. All you have to do is ask.
Michael Merrit
Michael was not one of my favourite instructors. He tries very hard to add humour to the class, and while there are those who enjoyed it I'm sure, I wasn't one of them. To me it felt like he talked Photoshop to death, and that just kind of made things boring. As a person though, he seems like a really nice guy, and he's more than willing to help you out. I know I received some from him before. He knows his stuff, it can just be hard to pay attention. And I blame the system for a lot of it, but I'll discuss that in another post.
Tammy Murphey
Tammy is the "mom" of Hallmark, and basically the guidance counselor. I didn't get along too well with her though, due to a severe personality clash. Something about her I just didn't like, and so I kept a bit of distance. But she really is always there if you need anything, so don't hesitate to go see her.
Lindsay Nelson
Lindsay was often the model for the other portrait instructors, and I'm going for the reason being that she's the youngest and lacked seniority. But she's a good sport, and she knows her stuff. Sadly, that's all I can tell you because I had trouble telling the three female instructors apart. They all looked the same to me; probably because they were all blonde with short hair. o.o;;; But I can tell you that she's a very nice person.
Shelly Nicholson
Shelly was responsible for the school store, and a lot of our student records. I found her to be a good friend, always having a smile for us students, and a really friendly personality. She's a great one to talk to.
John Nordell
John is the local photojournalist, and he was the one who reviewed my portfolio during my interview at Hallmark. He and I made a connection then, and I felt like I had a connection to him all year. He's a really neat guy with some interesting stories to tell. Some of his classes seem a bit hokey though, but bear with him, they all serve a purpose. In the end, he teaches the oddball side of photography, and the thought process and creativity behind it, in a sense. He's also the guy to go to when you have an event you're going to photograph, and you want some pointers. This guy is renowned for his photojournalism, and you'd do good to learn about it.
Danica Perry
Danica was another of the females. She helps with portraiture stuff, and weddings I think, but I don't remember much else. Possibly Quickbooks... but like I said, the females all blended together to me. ^^; I know she was nice!
Tom Prutisto
Tom is the head guy in Photoshop, and he's the epitome of what you'd figure an artist would look like. Like Michael it seemed lie his lessons dragged though, and once again I blame the system. But he was a cool guy, and good for looking at your prints to check their quality. Make sure you have him look at your stuff. He's got a really good eye for quality control.
George Rosa III
George is the most involved president I've ever seen, and he's willing to work with the students as much as the instructors because he truly believes in his school. This helps to make the learning experience better, and I respect him a lot for all his efforts.
Christina Sheppard
The last of the three blonde females. Christina I think is the one whose going to teach you about taxes at 8am on a Monday morning, but I won't swear to it. She's got a very business-like nature to her though, I remember that much. And I respected it greatly.
Joey Skroski
Joey runs the equipment room where you can borrow stuff. He's fun and likes to joke around, but don't piss this guy off because it never ends well. He can get revenge like no tomorrow! But in a fun way.
Paul Teeling
Paul was not someone I saw eye-to-eye with. His idea of what made a photograph good and mine differed a lot. But still, he has his own vision and that was cool. Something to watch out for with him though, is that his voice is very monotone. It put me to sleep more than once, which I regret. He will teach all girls how to be as strong as a guy though if they're interested in doing commercial work, which is awesome. And add to that a very open personality, and you have a very likable guy. Sometimes I'm sad my personality seemed to clash with his.
Joan Terry
Joan is the hardest design expert to get in to see. She often has a line at her door, and will spend a good two hours talking to you and helping you out. But the information she can give you, and the advice she has, is priceless. If you are at all interested in design, this is the woman to see. What's really strange though, now that I think about it, is that she's the only female I recognized on sight. I think it's because she's a brunette, and not blonde.
Michael Zide
Michael is the guy to see if you're into weird stuff like me. He and I made an instant connection the day he was playing Beach Boys and talking about El Chupacabra. He has this wonderful personality that full of charm and humour, and he'll never fail to keep you entertained if you're a little bit out in left field like me. Any time I had an oddball item, or idea, I went to him, and he shared the same with me. I will never forget when he demonstrated a bad diagonal to us. He's just super funny, and a wealth of information when it comes to landscapes and fine art.
So there you have it, my final views on all the instructors and some assorted staff.
Rob Archer
Rob is probably the first instructor I befriended as I was late to the first three days of class (hooray for killing an alarm clock and having a different time than Hallmark!) and found out how basic the web design was at first. He has the best voice I have ever heard, and sometimes I forgot to pay attention in class because my mind was too busy memorizing how his voice sounded. If this man were a voice actor, I would go out of my way to watch everything he spoke in, just like I do for Illich (see Gojyo in Saiyuki). Rob teaches web design at Hallmark, and he is insanely knowledgeable on the topic. He's warm and friendly, and always willing to help you out. Plus, his hair is amazing. And he did the hair flip for us. TOTAL WIN. Do not ever shave your head Rob, for I will be sad!!!
Rich Barnes
Rich is a rare sight during the beginning of the year, or at least he was for us, since he owns his own studio (Barnes Portrait Photography) and works under a special contract with Hallmark. But he graduated from Hallmark, and is an amazing portrait artist. He has a funny personality, and a personal "war" against Michael Zide that you will either enjoy (like me) or find bothersome. But it keeps things lively and entertaining at Hallmark, which is always good. Rich was the guy whose opinion I valued most on my portraits, because I felt a major draw towards him. I think it's because he's iving my dream, studio wise. That, and he has some of the BEST STORIES you will ever hear. Ever. Class is never boring with Rich, it's just not possible.
Paul Bissex
Paul was fun, and he always had a smile on his face. He's not one of the stronger people in my mind though, and I think that's because he taught web design along side Rob, who as you know, was busy making my brain lull to memorization of vocal tones mode. But I have no bad memories of him either, except for the car accident at the end of the year, and I sincerely hope that he is well enough to return to Hallmark in September. He has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to getting a domain name, and where to get it, along with writing your resume. And I know a resource like him is hard to come by. So pray for him however you prefer, and all of the Class of 2009 hope to be able to meet him.
Thom Burden
Thom wasn't an instructor, but he's David Fraizer's look-alike, and the man behind the technology at Hallmark. When it comes to the projector units, and all things related, he knows how to work it. Without him, Hallmark would not function at such a wonderful standard. Thank you Thom, and have fun sailing!
Peter Chilton
Peter... is the Hallmark Giant to me. This man TOWERS over me, and I swear he could use me as an armrest. Which, in a way, is kinda cool. But yes, anyone who is barely 5', watch out for this guy. He's the super tall one with awesome indie glasses. Peter helped teach design to us, and he's the kind of Photoshop user that you see all over the internet these days. The ones that are hip with the times and compositing with super amounts of layers and textures. You know, things I can't do. So if you're interested in that, hit up Peter for knowledge on it, because he's the man. Also check out his bands, Bane and Silent Drive. Both are AWESOME.
Dick D'Alessandro
Dick is down-to-earth, and he tells it like it is. He's the one that won't bullshit you about the program, and about what's going on. And when it comes to the commercial studio, watch out, because this guy is ON FIRE. He has an amazing commercial knowledge that he loves to share, and he will inspire you just as much as you can inspire him. He loves to have fun, and so long as you discuss the more involved (aka dangerous) ideas with him first, you can do pretty much anything. I really loved him for that, because he truly understands the inhibition of creativity.
Tony Downer
Tony is the guy who made me first feel noticed at Hallmark, because he found me to be intimidating in determination. And that meant something to me, because it meant I was leaving a good impression. Tony is the guy that doesn't bullshit about your images, or about what's going on in ANYTHING. He's going to tell you straight to your face if your photo sucks or not, so if you go to see him you better have some balls. But you'll be a better photographer for it. He has a goofy love for odd clothing as well, so watch out for this crazy green and white checked suit that he has. It's retina burning in crazy. But his orange jumpsuit during aerial photography is faaaar better.
David Fraizer
David is probably the zaniest of the bunch, in that he's like a seven year old kid trapped in an adult's body. This guy comes to class with sound effects and energy no matter what! And he's cut back from coffee to tea! Some people are really annoyed by this, but I find it refreshing and relaxing. I've found that I always learn better in a fun environment. I will admit though, David can be too thorough sometimes in his lectures, going over things a few too many times, and I fell asleep on him more than once. I feel bad about it, but if my mind gets bored, and with the chilly air from the AC keeping the computers cool... I just sort of dozed. >.< However, thanks to David, I can now comfortably work with InDesign. He is the master of that program, and it submits to him.
Gabriel Hmieleski
Gabe taught us about how to care for our computers, and was the preacher of Macs. This man has a vendetta for Windows, so us Windows users couldn't help but pick on the poor guy. But you can't help but love him, because he's like a computer hippie. He has this big beard, and he always, ALWAYS, smiles when he sees you. And he has these awesome love analogies. Gabe tels us he's a painter, but we secretly know he's a computer geek deep down inside. And we love him for it.
David Langley
David is probably the CUTEST elderly man I have ever met. And I mean that in a platonic way. He's just so sweet, and helpful, and it's wonderful to work with him. He has a wide variety of interests, and a ton of experience as a working commercial photographer. When it comes to the industry, and what's looked for in an assistant, he's the guy to go to. Sometimes he can seem harsh, and like he doesn't care, but that's in his nature from work. And there is no way you can hate him for it. If you're looking into doing anything commercial or assistant related, and you don't speak to David, you've wasted your money. He's a powerhouse of knowledge on it, and willing to share. All you have to do is ask.
Michael Merrit
Michael was not one of my favourite instructors. He tries very hard to add humour to the class, and while there are those who enjoyed it I'm sure, I wasn't one of them. To me it felt like he talked Photoshop to death, and that just kind of made things boring. As a person though, he seems like a really nice guy, and he's more than willing to help you out. I know I received some from him before. He knows his stuff, it can just be hard to pay attention. And I blame the system for a lot of it, but I'll discuss that in another post.
Tammy Murphey
Tammy is the "mom" of Hallmark, and basically the guidance counselor. I didn't get along too well with her though, due to a severe personality clash. Something about her I just didn't like, and so I kept a bit of distance. But she really is always there if you need anything, so don't hesitate to go see her.
Lindsay Nelson
Lindsay was often the model for the other portrait instructors, and I'm going for the reason being that she's the youngest and lacked seniority. But she's a good sport, and she knows her stuff. Sadly, that's all I can tell you because I had trouble telling the three female instructors apart. They all looked the same to me; probably because they were all blonde with short hair. o.o;;; But I can tell you that she's a very nice person.
Shelly Nicholson
Shelly was responsible for the school store, and a lot of our student records. I found her to be a good friend, always having a smile for us students, and a really friendly personality. She's a great one to talk to.
John Nordell
John is the local photojournalist, and he was the one who reviewed my portfolio during my interview at Hallmark. He and I made a connection then, and I felt like I had a connection to him all year. He's a really neat guy with some interesting stories to tell. Some of his classes seem a bit hokey though, but bear with him, they all serve a purpose. In the end, he teaches the oddball side of photography, and the thought process and creativity behind it, in a sense. He's also the guy to go to when you have an event you're going to photograph, and you want some pointers. This guy is renowned for his photojournalism, and you'd do good to learn about it.
Danica Perry
Danica was another of the females. She helps with portraiture stuff, and weddings I think, but I don't remember much else. Possibly Quickbooks... but like I said, the females all blended together to me. ^^; I know she was nice!
Tom Prutisto
Tom is the head guy in Photoshop, and he's the epitome of what you'd figure an artist would look like. Like Michael it seemed lie his lessons dragged though, and once again I blame the system. But he was a cool guy, and good for looking at your prints to check their quality. Make sure you have him look at your stuff. He's got a really good eye for quality control.
George Rosa III
George is the most involved president I've ever seen, and he's willing to work with the students as much as the instructors because he truly believes in his school. This helps to make the learning experience better, and I respect him a lot for all his efforts.
Christina Sheppard
The last of the three blonde females. Christina I think is the one whose going to teach you about taxes at 8am on a Monday morning, but I won't swear to it. She's got a very business-like nature to her though, I remember that much. And I respected it greatly.
Joey Skroski
Joey runs the equipment room where you can borrow stuff. He's fun and likes to joke around, but don't piss this guy off because it never ends well. He can get revenge like no tomorrow! But in a fun way.
Paul Teeling
Paul was not someone I saw eye-to-eye with. His idea of what made a photograph good and mine differed a lot. But still, he has his own vision and that was cool. Something to watch out for with him though, is that his voice is very monotone. It put me to sleep more than once, which I regret. He will teach all girls how to be as strong as a guy though if they're interested in doing commercial work, which is awesome. And add to that a very open personality, and you have a very likable guy. Sometimes I'm sad my personality seemed to clash with his.
Joan Terry
Joan is the hardest design expert to get in to see. She often has a line at her door, and will spend a good two hours talking to you and helping you out. But the information she can give you, and the advice she has, is priceless. If you are at all interested in design, this is the woman to see. What's really strange though, now that I think about it, is that she's the only female I recognized on sight. I think it's because she's a brunette, and not blonde.
Michael Zide
Michael is the guy to see if you're into weird stuff like me. He and I made an instant connection the day he was playing Beach Boys and talking about El Chupacabra. He has this wonderful personality that full of charm and humour, and he'll never fail to keep you entertained if you're a little bit out in left field like me. Any time I had an oddball item, or idea, I went to him, and he shared the same with me. I will never forget when he demonstrated a bad diagonal to us. He's just super funny, and a wealth of information when it comes to landscapes and fine art.
So there you have it, my final views on all the instructors and some assorted staff.
I am a Graduate... kind of
So my parents and I went and met with George on Friday, and I feel like I graduated now. Not that I actually did, but because George explained the decision and it makes sense. Everything just sort of came together. And it's a reasoning I cannot argue with.
So this is why I didn't graduate: Four of the six images I re-shot were of phase two quality, and not phase four. While I did have the help of my instructors, they can only offer advice on lighting. The way the shot is set up, and how I shoot it/expose it are entirely up to me. And so is the subject matter. The other item is that they picked my weakest group of images to re-shoot, meaning that not all of the images I already had were of top quality. And so, thanks to an over-abundance of stress I am still learning to work under, I was unable to technically graduate from Hallmark.
I still feel like a graduate though, because I took the extra step to go see George, and I'm immensely glad that I did. It cleared up my questions, and made both my parents and I feel a lot better. And while we were there, George and I put together a mini portfolio of my best images that I can get work with. He'd like for me to get some better group images as well to demonstrate that to my fullest ability too, so I'm going to get on that as soon as I can.
Out of everything I shot though, there were fourteen images that made it into that smaller body of best work, and it surprised George. He told us he was worried that he and I'd be working together over the summer and that he wouldn't find much to go on in my portfolio. So I'm glad that I proved him wrong. I like proving people wrong in instances like those.
I would love to show you all the final portfolio that failed re-review, and to show you the mini one, but sadly I still have to get everything off my portable hard drive. Which, I need a Mac to do, and I can't get my hands on one until Thursday when I see my aunt. So that will have to wait.
And I also learned a very valuable lesson: It's going to take experience for me to learn to properly work under stress. So you better believe I'll be working at it!
But yes, I feel like I graduated now. I will be posting my final thoughts soon.
And in the mean time, please see my new blog to follow my life after Hallmark, since I tend to have some interesting adventures!
So this is why I didn't graduate: Four of the six images I re-shot were of phase two quality, and not phase four. While I did have the help of my instructors, they can only offer advice on lighting. The way the shot is set up, and how I shoot it/expose it are entirely up to me. And so is the subject matter. The other item is that they picked my weakest group of images to re-shoot, meaning that not all of the images I already had were of top quality. And so, thanks to an over-abundance of stress I am still learning to work under, I was unable to technically graduate from Hallmark.
I still feel like a graduate though, because I took the extra step to go see George, and I'm immensely glad that I did. It cleared up my questions, and made both my parents and I feel a lot better. And while we were there, George and I put together a mini portfolio of my best images that I can get work with. He'd like for me to get some better group images as well to demonstrate that to my fullest ability too, so I'm going to get on that as soon as I can.
Out of everything I shot though, there were fourteen images that made it into that smaller body of best work, and it surprised George. He told us he was worried that he and I'd be working together over the summer and that he wouldn't find much to go on in my portfolio. So I'm glad that I proved him wrong. I like proving people wrong in instances like those.
I would love to show you all the final portfolio that failed re-review, and to show you the mini one, but sadly I still have to get everything off my portable hard drive. Which, I need a Mac to do, and I can't get my hands on one until Thursday when I see my aunt. So that will have to wait.
And I also learned a very valuable lesson: It's going to take experience for me to learn to properly work under stress. So you better believe I'll be working at it!
But yes, I feel like I graduated now. I will be posting my final thoughts soon.
And in the mean time, please see my new blog to follow my life after Hallmark, since I tend to have some interesting adventures!
Friday, June 20, 2008
It's Over
So it's all over. Myself and three others failed the re-review process, and will not be graduating with the class of 2008 at Hallmark. At this point in time, I don't know why I failed. All George was able to tell me was that all five panelists, who were our instructors this time, failed me.
Let's go over the past few days though, before I get into anymore re-review details.
During the last two days I've worked with Rich Barnes on picking out images I had for my portfolio. During the time we also figured out how to crop and tone things, and where other retouching was needed. He offered advice and had me print extra so that we could pick and choose for my additional personal submissions.
After sitting with Rich, I saw David Fraizer about the conceptual. I was supposed to go see Joan, but time was of the essence, and I didn't have hours to sit out in front of that woman's office waiting for her. And that's how it is because she always has a line. I can't even sugar coat this one, because it was bad enough that there were chairs for people to sit in while they waited. So I saw David and we brainstormed. I was going to do ghosts in the graveyard by painting with light and stuff, but upon looking at the criteria, it turns out it had to be done in studio. So I sat for about two hours one night going through conceptual photos on DeviantART (let's face it, there's a vast resource there once you weed through the junk) to get ideas, and finally came up with Dangerous Beauty.
My other issues were mainly commercial, and so I was in the Commercial Studio for hours. Paul Teeling and I worked together on both my metal shot, and on the conceptual one. Dick looked over my architecture, and after determining the dining room wouldn't work he sent me to the Hotel Northampton. So I did that super early in the morning and worked with Dick on that one. And then David Langley and I put together my new environmental still life. Like, David was amazingly helpful. He was explaining new tricks with exposure to me, and what I appreciated the most was that he let me borrow his filters so that we could reduce the glare that was happening and stuff. Like... David helped me make that shot, and I don't mean that lightly. That shot would not be worthy of being seen without his help.
The only person I didn't get to was Tom Purtisto. It came down to the wire Wednesday with printing, and the final bits of retouching, so I wasn't exactly living in the lap of luxury, time wise. What didn't help either, was that my mind was scattered all over from the stress, lack of sleep, and the worry about getting my equipment into Joey by 4pm. He was kind enough to let me slide on it though when I forgot the battery charger that day since I was going through the re-review process. That really took a lot of stress out of my life right then, and gave me an extra 45min to work on my stuff.
So it all came down to the wire, and I laid it out upstairs in the lounge, and myself and instructors put it in order, switched out some personal submissions, and I handed it in.
Re-review was the scariest thing all week. I was shaking something horrible, because that was it. You either passed or failed, day before graduation. Michael Zide stood with me during it, and he seemed impressed by it. He actually seemed shocked when it didn't pass.
That was around 11am. George was kind though, and told me that it wasn't the end of my career. Which, I knew. There is nothing short of severe physical injury that's going to stop me from being a photographer. And self-employed for that. David Fraizer and Shelly were also there to offer their comforts, which is nice. Because I was definitely crying, there was no stopping that. But after I spoke with them, I had to go over to the Administration Building to sign the papers saying I was leaving. What I don't get is why I had to turn in my student ID when it expires after the 20th. That kind of sucked, because I'm a sentimental person and I would have liked to have kept it. But, too late for that now I guess. :\
Andy was there, and he and I chatted for a bit as well. Everyone was very encouraging that this wasn't the end of the world. Which, I definitely knew then and know now. I just needed some time to come home and let it sink in. And call my parents and let them know.
Speaking of my parents, they demanded we head back to the school that afternoon. And my family (Aunt, grandmother, ect...) and friends are a bit up in arms over it as well. But I'll go into that later.
All I know is that all five panelists failed me. And they were Rich, Dick, Tony, Joan, and Tom. From what George said, somehow I didn't meet the artistic or technical expectations. I'm not sure how, but he encouraged us to return next week where he would go over the portfolio picture-by-picture with myself and my parents, and determine where my weaknesses are, and what I can do to improve. So that's definitely nice of him. I can't get my certificate of completion, but at least I'm not being thrown out with nothing. George said it's because I handled it calmly, and he, like everyone else, was then shocked to find out I'm 19. But, I expected that. I've gotten used to it.
I think what stung the most, was letting down those who were cheering me on. I don't know how I do it, but somehow I can put this behind me and move on with ease. My guess is that it'll just hit me slowly. But I have no regrets, because you know what? I made it. I stuck it out through the thick and thin for ten months, the first time ever being on my own, and while I may not have passed, I proved to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to.
But yes, I cannot graduate. I still have the education though, and I will still use it.
I will put some final thoughts and overviews up another day. I need to pack, and start moving back to NY.
Let's go over the past few days though, before I get into anymore re-review details.
During the last two days I've worked with Rich Barnes on picking out images I had for my portfolio. During the time we also figured out how to crop and tone things, and where other retouching was needed. He offered advice and had me print extra so that we could pick and choose for my additional personal submissions.
After sitting with Rich, I saw David Fraizer about the conceptual. I was supposed to go see Joan, but time was of the essence, and I didn't have hours to sit out in front of that woman's office waiting for her. And that's how it is because she always has a line. I can't even sugar coat this one, because it was bad enough that there were chairs for people to sit in while they waited. So I saw David and we brainstormed. I was going to do ghosts in the graveyard by painting with light and stuff, but upon looking at the criteria, it turns out it had to be done in studio. So I sat for about two hours one night going through conceptual photos on DeviantART (let's face it, there's a vast resource there once you weed through the junk) to get ideas, and finally came up with Dangerous Beauty.
My other issues were mainly commercial, and so I was in the Commercial Studio for hours. Paul Teeling and I worked together on both my metal shot, and on the conceptual one. Dick looked over my architecture, and after determining the dining room wouldn't work he sent me to the Hotel Northampton. So I did that super early in the morning and worked with Dick on that one. And then David Langley and I put together my new environmental still life. Like, David was amazingly helpful. He was explaining new tricks with exposure to me, and what I appreciated the most was that he let me borrow his filters so that we could reduce the glare that was happening and stuff. Like... David helped me make that shot, and I don't mean that lightly. That shot would not be worthy of being seen without his help.
The only person I didn't get to was Tom Purtisto. It came down to the wire Wednesday with printing, and the final bits of retouching, so I wasn't exactly living in the lap of luxury, time wise. What didn't help either, was that my mind was scattered all over from the stress, lack of sleep, and the worry about getting my equipment into Joey by 4pm. He was kind enough to let me slide on it though when I forgot the battery charger that day since I was going through the re-review process. That really took a lot of stress out of my life right then, and gave me an extra 45min to work on my stuff.
So it all came down to the wire, and I laid it out upstairs in the lounge, and myself and instructors put it in order, switched out some personal submissions, and I handed it in.
Re-review was the scariest thing all week. I was shaking something horrible, because that was it. You either passed or failed, day before graduation. Michael Zide stood with me during it, and he seemed impressed by it. He actually seemed shocked when it didn't pass.
That was around 11am. George was kind though, and told me that it wasn't the end of my career. Which, I knew. There is nothing short of severe physical injury that's going to stop me from being a photographer. And self-employed for that. David Fraizer and Shelly were also there to offer their comforts, which is nice. Because I was definitely crying, there was no stopping that. But after I spoke with them, I had to go over to the Administration Building to sign the papers saying I was leaving. What I don't get is why I had to turn in my student ID when it expires after the 20th. That kind of sucked, because I'm a sentimental person and I would have liked to have kept it. But, too late for that now I guess. :\
Andy was there, and he and I chatted for a bit as well. Everyone was very encouraging that this wasn't the end of the world. Which, I definitely knew then and know now. I just needed some time to come home and let it sink in. And call my parents and let them know.
Speaking of my parents, they demanded we head back to the school that afternoon. And my family (Aunt, grandmother, ect...) and friends are a bit up in arms over it as well. But I'll go into that later.
All I know is that all five panelists failed me. And they were Rich, Dick, Tony, Joan, and Tom. From what George said, somehow I didn't meet the artistic or technical expectations. I'm not sure how, but he encouraged us to return next week where he would go over the portfolio picture-by-picture with myself and my parents, and determine where my weaknesses are, and what I can do to improve. So that's definitely nice of him. I can't get my certificate of completion, but at least I'm not being thrown out with nothing. George said it's because I handled it calmly, and he, like everyone else, was then shocked to find out I'm 19. But, I expected that. I've gotten used to it.
I think what stung the most, was letting down those who were cheering me on. I don't know how I do it, but somehow I can put this behind me and move on with ease. My guess is that it'll just hit me slowly. But I have no regrets, because you know what? I made it. I stuck it out through the thick and thin for ten months, the first time ever being on my own, and while I may not have passed, I proved to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to.
But yes, I cannot graduate. I still have the education though, and I will still use it.
I will put some final thoughts and overviews up another day. I need to pack, and start moving back to NY.
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